Long Overdue!

 Yes, I was long overdue to myself!

As strange as it sounds - battling life and expectations, the child inside slipped away so so far. The soul had gradually started making peace with the breadcrumbs thrown at her, more like the pet - that would get hopeful at the sight of its master, play to the master's pleasure and retire back to its corner when the entertainment was over. Shackles start to seem so comfortable at times, that one does not want to break out of it, in the fear of unknown. How a caged bird loses its confidence to fly - the soul has lost its confidence to dream and hope and had been traversing in the darkness for way too long.

At times we never realize that, what we are trying to hold on to is actually blocking us from where we want to be or who we want to be. It is as if we are walking backwards and moving farther and farther away from the destination. The destination for me was a home filled with love and happiness, it always had been, but I realized that maybe home is not about building a concrete structure with someone or even building a life with someone. Home is Us - our love for our soul, makes it feel safe, comfortable and at home like no person, no concrete structure can. When we finally begin being honest with ourselves, start accepting the true self that we are with our flaws and strengths - we are at home! Maybe I can finally begin to say, I have arrived... Incognizant of what my soul needed, I kept running after mirages of love, only to find my expectations shattering every time, I would gather the pieces glue them back again and continue walking towards the next mirage - little did I realize that I had walked past the entire desert carrying the shattered pieces of my soul safely - hoping out of hope that some miracle someday would heal them back into one.

It did seem clueless initially standing at the end of the desert, facing an ocean, full of uncertainties. I stood there numb, anxious, scared every second wanting to run back to the desert, knowing that my feet will burn again, my bruises will be judged and piece by piece I would lose my soul running mirage to mirage --- still my soul said isn't this certainty better than the uncertain hope the waves are trying to take me to? What if I drown trying to swim across the waves, what if I am never able to fix my soul again? What if I have to return unsuccessful to the same scorching desert?  But they say right, when you are God's child, he sends you a rudder to help you sail and reach where you should! 

And yes, I was given my rudder!
How else do you think I would have found my way back here?

As I write, I feel more and more humbled, grateful and blessed to have my own little Universe of happiness, love and peace. The scorching desert, the strong waves have been left so far behind that I can neither feel the heat nor hear the sound of the raging waters.

Where I am headed to is so much more calm, so serene. Maybe I am not there yet, maybe I will never be - but I have finally learnt to love the journey with the faith that destination would arrive when it has to!

My inner child has finally found all the attention and love it ever needed - I have been made to fall back in love with my soul again - can't be grateful enough!! Today is a day to celebrate hope, celebrate life and celebrate love!




Signing off. Will see you all soon :)!!