Woww!
Lot happened in life since I last wrote - I withdrew from a seemingly coveted doctoral program, spent the best vacation ever with family and am back to this busy metro - This time, neither am I a student nor a working professional - I am a seeker !!
Seeker of happiness, of life, of an identity. Every time I have gone back to a city well known to me in a different avatar, it has treated me differently - this one is no different!! People, places are all the same but its a different experience. It is a different loneliness amidst "friends and family", when one has all the time in the world but people around do not, when one tries sneaking out of their shell but no one out there pulls one into the world. Ones realizes that it will have to start all over again and this time the version 2.0 of the story should have different characters and one cannot bank on them to play any lead character, the only person I can rely on is me.
I am not sure if its a myopia again, but definitely there is something which is amiss in this me and the one in version 1.0. This me is like a lake while the previous one was a stream. This me knows her demons and ways to fight them, the ones she cannot fight - she knows how to avoid. This me knows that forever there would be a distance between the world of her dreams and her present world and that she would not ever live it. This me no more a sculpture, but a dough waiting to be molded by a skilled sculptor. This me is no more the fighter but an acceptor; well aware of what she has lost and may never find and what she cannot afford to lose....
Lot happened in life since I last wrote - I withdrew from a seemingly coveted doctoral program, spent the best vacation ever with family and am back to this busy metro - This time, neither am I a student nor a working professional - I am a seeker !!
Seeker of happiness, of life, of an identity. Every time I have gone back to a city well known to me in a different avatar, it has treated me differently - this one is no different!! People, places are all the same but its a different experience. It is a different loneliness amidst "friends and family", when one has all the time in the world but people around do not, when one tries sneaking out of their shell but no one out there pulls one into the world. Ones realizes that it will have to start all over again and this time the version 2.0 of the story should have different characters and one cannot bank on them to play any lead character, the only person I can rely on is me.
I am not sure if its a myopia again, but definitely there is something which is amiss in this me and the one in version 1.0. This me is like a lake while the previous one was a stream. This me knows her demons and ways to fight them, the ones she cannot fight - she knows how to avoid. This me knows that forever there would be a distance between the world of her dreams and her present world and that she would not ever live it. This me no more a sculpture, but a dough waiting to be molded by a skilled sculptor. This me is no more the fighter but an acceptor; well aware of what she has lost and may never find and what she cannot afford to lose....
