L.O.V.E

I grew up thinking Love was a feeling - one that is very special and only lucky ones get to experience -  those butterflies, the euphoria and the weightlessness - but the more I kept leaving the day I was born behind, the more I realized  Love is not the firework that gushes into the sky as a bouquet of colors and  light, shining bright but then soon losing its spark to the vastness of a night sky.

What really is love then?

My experience with love and loss made me realize that love was never just a feeling but a commitment, a responsibility that we willing take on, even without being asked. It allows our thoughts the freedom to wander, does not let our wishes weigh down to the gravity of life. Love is that space, that very personal one, where we are not scared to express with honesty, where we do not handcuff each other with expectations - be it to reciprocate or to acknowledge. Love is the vision of seeing the best for someone and the best in someone however insignificant that is, it is the sight which notices flaws but chooses not to focus on them and only admire the radiance. 

It transcends beyond the physical boundaries of two humans, connects one soul to the other and there are no fireworks, no gushing streams, no racing hearts in that space but white clouds, soft breeze, tranquility, completeness and familiarity. There is nothing unknown about that feeling, it is as familiar as we are to ourselves. 

How beautiful would it be to love someone like this, without binding them in the vicious cycle of expectations and be loved likewise?

It is commonly said that opposites attract and that there is nothing new to learn from each other when the two people are similar. I differ - opposites attract to light up that firework, but travelling through time with each other they either settle in with each other's differences or drift so far apart that there is no string connecting them anymore. They start existing as separate individuals traversing different paths that can never cross.

I am more of  a believer in the soulmate kind of connection! No matter how physically far both the souls are - the thoughts, the values, the likes and dislikes resonate - and maybe the resonance at times is so strong that they get pulled to each other unknowingly - and we credit the universe for conspiring to make them meet! 😉


Signing off for today!

Long Overdue!

 Yes, I was long overdue to myself!

As strange as it sounds - battling life and expectations, the child inside slipped away so so far. The soul had gradually started making peace with the breadcrumbs thrown at her, more like the pet - that would get hopeful at the sight of its master, play to the master's pleasure and retire back to its corner when the entertainment was over. Shackles start to seem so comfortable at times, that one does not want to break out of it, in the fear of unknown. How a caged bird loses its confidence to fly - the soul has lost its confidence to dream and hope and had been traversing in the darkness for way too long.

At times we never realize that, what we are trying to hold on to is actually blocking us from where we want to be or who we want to be. It is as if we are walking backwards and moving farther and farther away from the destination. The destination for me was a home filled with love and happiness, it always had been, but I realized that maybe home is not about building a concrete structure with someone or even building a life with someone. Home is Us - our love for our soul, makes it feel safe, comfortable and at home like no person, no concrete structure can. When we finally begin being honest with ourselves, start accepting the true self that we are with our flaws and strengths - we are at home! Maybe I can finally begin to say, I have arrived... Incognizant of what my soul needed, I kept running after mirages of love, only to find my expectations shattering every time, I would gather the pieces glue them back again and continue walking towards the next mirage - little did I realize that I had walked past the entire desert carrying the shattered pieces of my soul safely - hoping out of hope that some miracle someday would heal them back into one.

It did seem clueless initially standing at the end of the desert, facing an ocean, full of uncertainties. I stood there numb, anxious, scared every second wanting to run back to the desert, knowing that my feet will burn again, my bruises will be judged and piece by piece I would lose my soul running mirage to mirage --- still my soul said isn't this certainty better than the uncertain hope the waves are trying to take me to? What if I drown trying to swim across the waves, what if I am never able to fix my soul again? What if I have to return unsuccessful to the same scorching desert?  But they say right, when you are God's child, he sends you a rudder to help you sail and reach where you should! 

And yes, I was given my rudder!
How else do you think I would have found my way back here?

As I write, I feel more and more humbled, grateful and blessed to have my own little Universe of happiness, love and peace. The scorching desert, the strong waves have been left so far behind that I can neither feel the heat nor hear the sound of the raging waters.

Where I am headed to is so much more calm, so serene. Maybe I am not there yet, maybe I will never be - but I have finally learnt to love the journey with the faith that destination would arrive when it has to!

My inner child has finally found all the attention and love it ever needed - I have been made to fall back in love with my soul again - can't be grateful enough!! Today is a day to celebrate hope, celebrate life and celebrate love!




Signing off. Will see you all soon :)!!